Now I know movies can’t be all things to all people. As they say, you can’t please everyone. But couldn’t they have at least pleased, just a little bit harder, the original, die-hard, arcade-going Mortal Kombat fans that are now of a certain age? I wanted violence. Received, thank you. I wanted references and familiar characters. Check. I wanted fun. Okay yes, I’ll give it that, there’s some fun to be had thanks in large part to reluctant hero and past his prime movie-star Johnny Cage (Karl Urban). And I wanted to be surprised. I spent a small fortune memorizing finishing move combos at every local and not so local arcade in 1992, and then again in 1993 when the sequel was released. Mortal Kombat was a literal game changer. Never before had an arcade game looked so realistic, all the better thanks to its over-the-top violence. Kano’s heart rip anyone? There wasn’t much of a story, but that didn’t matter. The various warriors participating in an interdimensional martial arts tournament to the death for the fate of Earthrealm was prelude enough for an arcade game. Fighters guided by Raiden are the good guys. Shao Kahn leads the bad guys. It’s a fighting game. What more do you need? Well, when it comes to the film adaptation, I wanted a little more and a little less. Yes there’s a lot of characters in Mortal Kombat II the game, and I understand the need to give everyone their due, but there are too many to care about and the story only starts to feature our collective favourites during the last 20 minutes. Now I love one-to-one fight scenes, but even they can get repetitive and boring after a while. A few quick kills might have been surprising and funny, especially since we all have a strong hunch who’s going win each fight. Just get on with it. Now I love that it’s an R-rating and we’re treated to some brutal fights, but the script and acting are kinda PG-13. Here was an opportunity to fill in the story, just a little, with more attention, thought and humour given to a few main characters instead of a parade of forgettable ones. Except for Cage and Kano (Josh Lawson), the dialogue is mostly uninspired. And is it just me or is anyone else sick of the word “shit” being used to pass for dialogue in scripts these days? In a kids movie, when it’s used sparingly and out of place, like by a tween or a grandma for example, it can be a light laugh. Have at it. But when I see and hear for example a grown-ass man with robot arms use it instead of anything else, and I mean anything to indicate some semblance of creativity and overall verbal and observational ability, I’m finished with him.

WATCH OR NOT: NOT