THE SMASHING MACHINE (2025)

I’ll watch all kinds of movies. Good, bad, so bad they’re good, silly, heart-warming, heart-breaking, and my utmost favourite and the best kind in my opinion, fun. The Smashing Machine (2025) doesn’t fall into any of these categories, in fact it’s the worst kind, and I’ll get to that. Now this doesn’t mean to say every story worth telling has to be an uproariously fine time. Quiet, character driven narratives, when done well are compelling and allow one to see the world and sometimes a well-known figure in a new and interesting light. And vicariously journeying with a famous person, no matter how dark and stormy, can be, at the very least, a satisfying time. And I was ready for just that. The Rock (a.k.a Dwayne Johnson) has received accolades for his performance in The Smashing Machine, and I quite enjoyed writer-director Benny Safdie’s Good Time (2017), Uncut Gems (2019) and to a degree, The Curse (2023-2024); this being compounded by my being an avid MMA fan, starting 13 UFCs prior to Mark Kerr’s arrival in 1997. What I wasn’t ready for, was a film about fighting that kept me at arm’s length. I didn’t learn much of anything of substance about Kerr. Hell, we’re not even in the ring for the fights! Kerr likes to win. That’s it. Stop the presses. He’s an athlete driven by success. That would have been fine, if say, his charisma was enthralling or perhaps he’d pushed through a past trauma. No. Being a juiced-up, opioid-addled wrestler that smashes people for a living is drama enough apparently. This could have worked for a character in a different kind of film, but not for a biopic. Give me something, some reason to be attentive to this man’s story. Or am I supposed to be moved by the fact that this interesting life, these interesting life choices aren’t that interesting? Is that the ta-da Safdie? Now, I have to say the prosthetics are first-rate and The Rock is physically convincing as Kerr, both are commanding steroid-stacked men, but does Johnson ever make me forget he’s the The Rock and transform into Kerr? Well, from the interviews I’ve seen, Kerr is soft-spoken, dorky, and at times, quite awkward. The Rock is sometimes soft-spoken, but mostly unaware of his dorkiness, so yes, he nails it I guess. The Smashing Machine is a much-needed cautionary tale that steroids can’t make you cool kids and I suppose the people giving the accolades are impressed by The Rock’s venture into the dramatic sphere, but if you can make it through one of his “crying” scenes without laughing, you’re the one deserving of an Oscar. Emily Blunt tries, but even she can’t rouse anything resembling romantic chemistry, and she’s left contending with what we all know is really a sibling-style love between the two actors. Now, I’d have forgiven it if watching it all be bad was at least fun. But it’s not. It’s the most unforgivable kind of movie. It’s boring.

WATCH OR NOT: NOT

Additional musings: Well I suppose it’s a film? Technically.