Like a lot of you out there, our plan for Halloween night, after the trick-or-treaters are safe at home and eating their hauls, is to eat whatever’s leftover and enjoy a horror movie. We threw out some ideas for this year’s watch…a classic or something new perhaps? There are so many subgenres to choose from, and we love them all: ghost stories, devil and occult, slashers, satires, body horror, sequels, prequels, trequels…we’ll try ’em all. Many are and have become classics for good reason, and for many of those that don’t, we forgive for going to all that trouble to entertain us. But there is another grouping. The horror films that we feel are overrated and not worthy of your Halloween watch. They do no harm of course, but we’re here to help and we can’t sit back in silence and let you run upstairs, so to speak, when you should be running out of the house or grabbing weapons to protect you and those you love from these bungles.

Here is our list of the top 5 most overrated horror films, in no particular order:

US (2019)

This film is the equivalent of an artist throwing paint on a canvas and asking you, the viewer, to make sense of it. Bunnies, look-a-likes, the homeless, class, underground laboratories, it all must add up to something right? No. It doesn’t. And we were excited for this one, as it was Jordan Peele’s follow up to Get Out (2017), a legit horror film and all around excellent example of focused storytelling. Helmed by Lupita Nyong’o and the very scary concept of doppelgängers, it’s off to a good start, but quickly becomes a hot mess of indirect representation and laughable mechanics (your doppelgänger, known to the government, lives underground eating rabbits in a network that follows your moves waiting to pounce???). Nyong’o deserved better.

WATCH OR NOT: WATCH

Additional Musings: Who doesn’t want to hear a fight scene with N.W.A.’s  F*** the Police blasting, but why not use it in a scene with, I don’t know, police? Seemed wedged in.

A QUIET PLACE (2018)

A lot of people love this movie. Not us. It’s infuriating when pivotal arks are the result of unrealistic decision making by the characters. First of all, never in my mundane reality, where alien creatures aren’t constantly hunting me via the sounds that I make, do I shop with my entire family. Second, whenever my fam takes a nature hike, never is our youngest, the most vulnerable in our tribe, ever bringing up the rear. You know, common sense stuff. Obviously John Krasinski’s nannies must do most of the shopping and hiking because both these plot devices are out the window immediately.  My other issue is it’s hard to understand the parameters of the creatures’ sonar hunting. You would think that if a child’s toy alerts them from miles away then perhaps they could hear a human heart beat when in the same room…or even right next to one like in A Quiet Place: Day One (2024)?

WATCH OR NOT: WATCH

Additional Musings: I suppose the main reason I’m being harsh here is because a large majority of the favourable reviews I’ve read for A Quiet Place state the exact opposite of my take. They fawn over its realism and the relatability of this family trying to survive in these circumstances. Nope.

SCREAM 3-6 (2000-2023)

Horror icon Wes Craven’s deconstruction of the genre that he cut his teeth on was a breath of fresh air in 1996. Killing off the assumed final girl before the opening credits brilliantly declared that rules were meant to be broken. Jamie Kennedy even breaks down the rules needed to survive a typical slasher film in a wink to the audience that this will not be your average slasher film. Tight, funny, an instant classic. Scream 2 continues this new cult of observations, focusing on the tropes of the horror sequel and does not succumb to the typical fate of under-delivering. These were two great irreverent movies. Unfortunately there are four more. Scream 3 is where we witness the franchise fall back on the gimmicks it skewered so well. Scream 4 is a slight improvement from the third with some interesting commentary. Looking back, the latter two are not that bad in comparison to what was ahead. Enter: Scream (2022). It was a hit with fans and was the first not helmed by the late great Craven. An absolute mess. Poor Courtney Cox has no facial expressions due to her overindulgence in botox and David Arquette played this one with unwanted gravitas. Finally we come to Scream 6, the worst of the lot (seriously, Neve Campbell lucked out here). All sense of realism and attention to plausibility have been snuffed out. At this point is there even any commentary beyond its self awareness? Is it aware it’s killing its own legacy? Craven is screaming from the grave and Campbell is apparently coming back for number 7. Ugh.

WATCH OR NOT: NOT

Additional musings: Do you like Scream movies? See what I did there.

SWEENY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET (2007)

It was praised for its uniqueness, a stunning operatic horror like no other. No. It’s just good looking gross. Yes, it gives good Tim Burton, with its black and white palette, but this only intensifies the blandness. The songs are forgettable and instead of appreciating the artistry, it’s coupled with endless blood spurting, for what I can only guess is supposed to be as stunning as it is shocking. It’s not. It’s hateful beauty.

WATCH OR NOT: NOT

Additional musings: If you insist on Burton for your Halloween viewing, might I suggest the superior Sleepy Hollow (1999). Though it falters at the end, it’s beautiful and one feels less like Burton is daring you to hate it.

HALLOWEEN ENDS (2022)

Thank God that’s over. What a horrible way to end a classic series, often credited for spawning the slasher subgenre. John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978) showcased restraint with very little onscreen violence, utilizing camera angles and music to build tension and terror, whereas David Gordon Green’s Halloween Ends (2022) resorts to excessive blood and gore, plus an almost total lack of logic. Jamie Lee Curtis’ character Laurie Strode (horror’s original “final girl”) has become a traditional grandmother who loves writing, spending time with her granddaughter, celebrating Halloween and oh, (*SPOLIER ALERT*) pinning Michael Myers to a table and slitting his throat and wrists…because brolic 6’5″ deranged killers get manhandled by grandmas. A lot of Halloween Ends is a family drama, with the threat of Michael Myers looming while callbacks and nostalgia are randomly peppered in for an utter mess that begs the question: Why?

WATCH OR NOT: NOT

Additional musings: I’m not entirely alone on this, as the reviews seem to be mixed for this one.