TRANSFORMERS ONE (2024)

In the early 1980s Transformers was a show that had me racing home from school to catch it. And if you were smart (like me), when your birthday came around you could convince a couple friends to go in on an action figure for your gift, and if your lunch box wasn’t He-Man or G.I. Joe, well hell… it was, without a doubt, Transformers. By the time the first movie came out it in 1986, the hype was at a fever pitch (despite the box office numbers) and to us kids, it did not disappoint. (*SPOILER ALERT* for the original 1986 movie ahead…) The original featured some prime voice acting by Peter Cullen, Eric Idle, Leonard Nimoy, Judd Nelson, Robert Stack, Casey Kasem and Orson Welles to name a few. The film has an Old Testament quality that I loved. It was intense. Optimus Prime is killed at the start of the movie (to some of the greatest death scene music ever written), it introduces a Galactus-type character in Unicron (a sentient planet that consumes other worlds) who turns Megatron into Galvatron and then Galvatron kills his scheming second-in-command Starscream! All this before half way mark! The stakes were so high, anyone could get got, and this is the crux of my thoughts on the new Transformers. The 80’s were different. We were outside, unsupervised, all the time; traversing entire cities by BMX in a single day, with streetlights being our only concept of time. Following the premier of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series (1987), we spent the summer playing in the sewer system that ran under the highway. Whether we were a reflection of 80’s entertainment or it was a reflection of us, is a question that I don’t have the answer to. But I do know that dark themes and scary subjects intrigued me and Transformers the Movie was exciting entertainment.

Fast forward to 2007 and I’m at Michael Bay’s Transformers on opening night, eagerly awaiting a bump of nostalgia mixed with the promise of impeccable C.G.I. Instead I left the theatre with a severe dislike for Mr. Bay and a sadness in my heart for the kids who may never know the sheer coolness of the Transformers. Over the years he makes a bunch more. Yada yada some people like Bumblebee. Nope. This still sucks, I’m out.

Then came news of a 2024 animated prequel, where Bay is not the director (still a producer though). Much like the original film it boasts a talented voice cast, including: Jon Hamm, Chris Hemsworth, Brian Tyree Henry, Steve Buscemi, Laurence Fishburne, Keegan-Michael Key and Scarlett Johansson. Could this be the Transformers follow-up movie of my childhood dreams? Well good news, it is good. It moves quickly and like the original it tackles some existential questions. It has some cool easter eggs, gets some legit laughs (knife hands) and looks amazing. However, and I blame this more on the collective consciousness of what is acceptable now compared to what was acceptable in the 80s, it’s not dark enough. Not for us kids who grew up watching Akira (1988), Watership Down (1978), Return to Oz (1985), The Plague Dogs (1982) or even Transformers The Movie (1986). Now, would the trauma inflicted by some of the aforementioned films be too much for today’s youth? Was it too much for us? I don’t know. What I do know is that I am primed for it. I want everything to hit me like when I was a kid, as I breached into the unknown, scared and thrilled by the chaos of existence.

I guess what I really want is a Transformers movie that aged with me. A Frank Miller update if you will, perhaps directed by Katsuhiro Otomo or Yoshiaki Kawajiri. Now this generation may find this new iteration enough. So until my dream R-rated version comes to be, I’m happy with Transformers One, go see it. And take the kids.

WATCH OR NOT: WATCH

Additional musings: Good move foregoing humans here. Sorry Megan Fox.