We all know the song. Randy Newman sings: Our friendship will never die. You’re gonna see, it’s our destiny. You’ve got a friend in me. Well it was a start. The original Toy Story (1995) is a classic. The animation is, of course, rudimentary by today’s standards, but the story and the voice work are endearing and heartfelt and Woody and Buzz are a lovable duo with machismo, insecurities and downright goodness. It’s also a dark story, tackling jealousy, pending irrelevance and a kid named Sid who likes to mutilate and blow up toys. Loved it then and the kids love it to this day. Overall, I rank it third in the series, for it being the first and for nailing the franchise’s theme: kids need to play, and friendship and loyalty are irreplaceable and must be earned and cherished. Bad actions have consequences and Woody must do everything in his power to make things right, and he makes a true friend in the process. But it gets even better. Toy Story 2 (1999) is where the series really starts to simmer. The story continues, this time it’s up to Buzz and the gang to rescue a stolen Woody. There’s a couple of bad guys this time around, Al the greedy toy salesman and a vintage toy aptly named Stinky Pete; both are selfishly using Woody to enrich themselves and their desires. Jessie is introduced and she’s not perfect. She’s quick tempered, nasty even, and blinded by her resentment for being outgrown by a previous owner. Still, we sympathize as she’s a damaged soul in need of friends and the power of play. The action is nearly non-stop, the voice work is on par with the first and there are actual jokes (mostly dark ones for the adults in the room). And the theme continues: friends and playtime are everything. I rank it second for being so much fun and for showing kids that friendships can be complicated. Woody has officially established himself as one of the bravest, realest and most honest animated characters of all time. Still, Toy Story 3 (2010) is the pinnacle of the series. They took their time with this one, as I suspect it was originally intended to be the ender. It’s essentially The Great Escape (1963), but instead of a prison, the toys work together to break out of a daycare. Lotso is the ultimate bad guy with his loyal, gaslit minions, revealing to kids that evil can come at you in pleasant packages. He too is damaged and envious and the writers don’t pussy out. He’s a bad guy, who, more than once, uses the toys’ goodwill against them. It’s a hard lesson, but Woody and the toys’ hearts remain unscathed as they go on and even stare down death together. It’s the darkest and funniest film in the franchise, if not Pixar’s best; it’s certainly up there with Ratatouille (2007) and The Incredibles (2004). I rank it first for its sheer focus. Friends are forever. A grown-up Andy lets them go in the end, selflessly giving them and their new owner Bonnie exactly what they need: playtime! It’s beautiful and bittersweet. Unfortunately, Pixar learned nothing from their masterpiece and decided to undo all of their good points with Toy Story 4 (2019). Woody once again feels saddened that he’s not his owner’s favourite toy and continues his ongoing mission of rescuing toys from being lost and/or discarded and the heartache that comes with it. Handmade toy Forky is funny, I’ll give it that, but the plot has us believe that kids and being there no matter what for their playtime and imaginational spark, are not really a toy’s primary focus anymore. Nor is staying together as they did at the end of the perfect Toy Story 3. Woody is reunited with a previously donated toy (his love Bo Peep) and extracts himself from his kid owner and makes it his life’s mission to save lost toys. What happened to being there for playtime? What happened to loyalty? What happened to Woody? The post-credits scene even shows the renegade toys stealing toys. Stealing, not saving. I rank it fourth in the series for its stupidly undoing of the sweet and hard one themes. It ranks slightly higher than the latest, but only for Forky. Which brings me to Toy Story 5 (2026). Which, needless to say, ranks fifth out of five. Woody and Buzz are pushed aside and Jessie is the star for this round, raging against the creep of screens on kids’ attention. Once again, the toys are freaking out due to the dwindling of playtime, but aging out is no longer the culprit, iPads are now to blame, afflicting kids at an even younger age. Now I think this could have been a good idea, since toys require imagination and iPads and screens in general breed passivity, and the theme of friendship is sort of present with Jessie working to find her owner a playmate, but it’s all so boring. For one, there’s no villain. The device soaking up Bonnie’s attention, though sloppily, is also a hero trying its damnedest to help, and she too is an anxiety-riddled toy like the rest of them, who throws herself away. So we’re left with the toys running around rescuing each other while trying to bring together the last two freaks on earth who still like to play? Toys’ purpose is now, like Woody at the end of Toy Story 4, is to come to terms with their dwindling purpose of play and busy themselves as self-appointed rescue service creatures? They wrangle them and convince them that they have worth, which is to be played with for maybe five more minutes? What is this for? I didn’t laugh once. It’s sweet enough seeing the two girls find one another, but who cares about Bonnie. She was supposed to represent the promise of more play and friendship. Now all we’re left with is Andy 2.0. Except the toys won’t be heartbroken when she grows up, due to all the memories of playtime they made. Instead the toys are pairing up and preparing for vocational pivots. Their good days are numbered and mostly behind them. Woody knows it. He was done being a discardable plaything in Toy Story 4. Jessie too sees that the end is in sight. I noticed there was no little brother or sister in Bonnie’s life. So this is it? Toys will stubble along, braced and knowing their days are numbered, but for good this time. It’s so depressing. Gone is the theme and feeling of friendship and loyalty everlasting; that there’s always a new kid ready to love them and be their destiny. Instead newer, sleeker electronic toys will fall from the sky to maybe connect kids with a fellow user with an account and password. That’s it? Thanks for the memories Toy Story.

WATCH OR NOT: NOT